The Fine Art of Procrastination

I recently bestowed upon myself an honourary Fellowship to the Institute of Procrastinators. I am not normally one to advertise my own achievements, but, in this instance, it is unmistakable. I am possibly the world's best, most proficient procrastinator. Lend me your ears and a little of your time and I will explain....

I recently took an exam. An exam I had been booked to take for over a year. Of course, as soon as I received my joining instructions I prepared a study plan, diligently read through course material well in advance, highlighted key statements, tagged important pages, condensed my notes, produced flash cards and practiced past papers until I could answer questions in my sleep.

I did all of this.

In. My. Mind.

Unfortunately, and reasonably foreseeable given my past performance in situations such as this, reality got in the way. This is what happened in REAL life....

1) I booked onto the course and within a week I received all of my course materials.
2) One. Whole. Year. Passed.
3) I had one week left until my exam. Yes, my professional exam. The exam that professional people take.
4) The realisation of the need to revise dawned on me.
5) Panic set in.
6) The fine art of procrastinating began.

This is how real people revise, and this forms the basics of the professional procrastinators handbook...

1) You will need a funky folder, bright pens, pretty dividers and coloured paper clips. Without these you cannot start. No knowledge can be retained until these items are obtained. So, first, you need to go stationery shopping. I don't mean at Tesco. Tesco stationery will not do. Paperchase stationery is a minimum standard.
2) Most of the hard work is now done so at this point you will need to take a break to reward yourself for preparing to prepare to start.
3) It is scientifically proven that your brain cannot retain any new information if your house is not spotless therefore the best use of your time right now will be to clean all rooms in the house. Possibly twice. Yes, twice is best, that will definitely increase your performance in the exam. If you find you do not have enough dusters or detergent or sponges, then you will need to go shopping. Again.
4) Once your house is spotless you will be tired. And everyone knows you cannot learn anything if you're tired so you'll either need a nap right about now or you should just unwind in front of the telly.
5) Oh, the garden. Don't forget the garden! Don't forget that well known saying... you know "never was an exam passed whilst the garden lay in want of a mow"... or something similar. I think it may be a Chinese proverb. Just in case it is true you had better mow the lawn. Just in case.
6) You should now congratulate yourself. You have made considerable progress to almost starting revision at this point. It wont be long before you are ready to pick up the book. Seriously, take time to marvel in your success.
7) All that self congratulations is hungry work. Time for a little sustainance.
8) If it is sunny outside revision is always just that little bit easier if it is drenched with sunshine. But before you can go out into your garden in the sunshine you need to get that beach body. So time should be valuably spent primping and preening. You will need to wash, dry and straighten your hair. While you're at it, you may as well paint your finger nails and toe nails too. If something is worth doing it's worth doing properly. Oh and if you're out in the sun you'll need suntan lotion. This may require another trip to the shops.
9) You are almost there. Almost ready to start. It may start raining now and you'll have to abandon revision as you can't revise outside in the rain. That would just be silly now.
10) It is probably nearing the end of the day now. You should begin to feel weary. All this almost revising stuff is draining work. You should probably get some sleep ready for some more 'almost revising' tomorrow.

The days will vanish and suddenly there will be just four days between zero knowledge and the day when you need to know everything.

It is now inevitable that those four days and nights will become a blur of books, acronyms, memory aids, coffee, reciting, reproducing models, reciting definitions and more coffee, coffee, coffee.

The smart side of your brain will now be berating the dumb side of your brain with clever taunts like "if you'd just started revising earlier you wouldn't be in this position". Marvelous. Amazingly helpful Mr Smartside. Where were you earlier in the week huh Smartside? Didn't hear you piping up when we were in Paperchase buying stationery.

Tell you what Smartside... when we get in the exam you go ahead without us and make a start. Me and Dumbside will spend the first hour of the exam perfecting our finely honed fine art of procrastination.

Till it Happens to You / Pay it Forward

How was your day today? Successful day at work? Met the deadline, pleased the boss, left on time? Home for tea, quality time with the family, telly, bubble bath, bed? Tomorrow, after the earth has spun around one more time, and the sun has set and rose once more, you will follow a similar dance, which you will repeat with slight variations each day. Something different for lunch. Off site meeting perhaps? Food shopping. Early night. And the funny thing is that you will not even think about it.

But, wait a second. Rewind. What if things were not so simple? What if the little things we take for granted suddenly disappeared? Energy. Health. Hope. Normal everyday life.

The reality is that in those days or weeks in which your world, and the worlds of those closest to you, slow down, every day suddenly full of uncertainty, new medical words and different routines, your former life goes on without you, oblivious to the troubles of others. Because, you see, your eyes are closed to situations such as these. That is, till it happens to you.

So, that is what this post is about. This post is for my colleague who is fighting a very brave fight against the cancer at home. It is for my very good friend who lost someone dear recently. It is for all of those who bring love, light and hope to those who are in so very urgent need of it.

Those of you who are following my posts will know that when I was eight my younger sister was born with a disability. As a family it threw us. We had not had any exposure to disability previously in our life. She, and the situation we found ourselves in, didn't come with a 'your life has just changed forever' manual. We didn't, and still don't, have a diagnosis for her. It makes a difficult time so much lonelier when you do not even have a reason or a prognosis. No other families to talk to about how they coped. No support groups. No charities fighting her corner. She was "undiagnosed". And we thought the end of our world had come early.

Then, we put the feelers out and quietly asked the 'I wonder if there are any other families going through the exact same thing?' question. We were not prepared for the response. There were hundreds of families just like us. We founded the Undiagnosed Children's Group and were soon overwhelmed with parents from all over the UK needing the exact same thing as us. Someone who understood. Someone who knew how we felt. Someone who understood the two repetitive, unbearable, questions that kept ringing in our heads and hung over our family - 'What is wrong with her? Will she die?'.

When you hit a difficult time in your life, and you feel that there is no-one who understands just how lost you feel when you are suddenly thrown off your map of life into uncharted territory there is only one thing for it. You make your own map. You get big, fat, bright, colourful crayons and draw new roads and rainbows and sunshine and bunnies. Uncertainty means you are not certain. It doesn't mean you cannot be positive. So be positive. Positivity is more than half the battle. Make plans. Dream. Be. And when you find your new path, remember there are others who are still lost and pay it forward. Pick someone else up along the way, show them how to cope and find their feet. Remind them of their strength and the necessity of believing that there is better to come.

I really struggled to name this post. So it is dual titled. I am not normally an indecisive girl. I think part of my trouble is that in writing, I wanted to achieve two separate distinct goals. One was for each reader to cherish the health and happiness they have and don't dwell on the little things in life - the missed deadline, the spilt milk. Life is bigger than that. The second was to ask a little favour. If you are in the position to do something extra to bring a little light to another's life, whether this be to volunteer time, make a donation, write an article to raise awareness or just to be there when someone is brave enough to say 'Hey, I need a little help here', then please make a commitment to pay it forward. Whether it be this week, next week, in a month or this year. Even the tinsiest gesture will resonate and make someone's day just that little bit easier.

So, I realise I cannot legitimately ask you to pay it forward if I do not also take part. My pay it forward gesture for today is in this last part of my post. I was recently contacted by a lady raising awareness for the Mesothelioma Cancer Alliance. She believes in the positive effect of planning for the future, no matter what the present throws at us. She asked for my ideas of how to raise awareness, and my little kooky response was in suggesting this pay it forward idea. Cancer touches all of our lives, whether directly or indirectly, so awareness is key. Her charity is the Mesothelioma Cancer Alliance and their blog is available here: http://www.mesothelioma.com/blog/ and her post 'Power of the Pen' is copied below.

One last thing... if you do 'pay it forward' please leave a little comment on the bottom of this post. It would be lovely to know if this works

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Write. Set. Go!
 Life is meant to mold our character and test what we're made of. The times during which we grow the most are the times that test our strength and challenge us. Serious illnesses, ranging from autoimmune disorders like multiple sclerosis to rare diseases like mesothelioma cancer, can challenge us more than any other struggle in our lives. However, we can overcome. Every day we overcome. And we give each other strength when we write the words of our stories. We inspire everyone around us when we share our stories. But what we may not realize is how much writing the words of our stories inspires us and encourages us to seek all that life has to offer despite our difficulties, life challenges, or stated mesothelioma prognosis from the previous example.
As we dream of all the things we want to accomplish in our lives, many times we keep all our thoughts and desires to ourselves, much like the emotions and experiences we have during an illness. But if we were to take our thoughts and put them onto paper or blog them, we would be creating something outside ourselves that is uniquely ours and yet shares a part of us with the world. Writing down our experiences helps us work through them. Writing through all the emotions and through our journey, we come to see how much we have and that we have much to do in our lives. We can write down the desires and goals we want to accomplish. By writing them down we give life to them and we hold ourselves more accountable to accomplish them.
 Personally, I maintain seasonal goals. These seem to be the easiest for me to achieve.  In essence, they are short enough for instant gratification and inspiration but also giving me something to look forward to in the near future.
“What do I want to accomplish this fall?”
“What are my must-do’s this summer?”
Be passionate about your outlook and effort in becoming proactive. Don’t allow yourself to become overwhelmed and defeated by challenges—let them mold you and drive you to push into areas of your life that you never imagined going. Set yourself on the right path to wellness and stability.
Everyone is different. Everyone knows themselves and how they commit to task and goals. Do try to go above and beyond if you are not ready to push yourself that hard—you may find it discouraging and give up all together. Some goals and accomplishments may be small and simple and for the small moment that we are striving to endure. By writing about our own bucket list, resolutions, goals or desires, we can actually inspire ourselves and motivate ourselves to accomplish what we set out to do.  By writing our goals down we give ourselves more tangible and visual reminders of our dreams and wishes.
Transcending Chronic Illness, continues to describe the healing powers of writing your story. The article describes how writing our story can clear our minds and lift our spirits. Whether on a blog or in a notebook, whether short or long, whether we use fancy or simple language, we all have the power of our words. That power speaks to others and it speaks to us. It can motivate and inspire us to accomplish all the things we wish to do in our lives.  Our words can heal, motivate, and help us live happy lives.

Who knew that inspiration simply lived within us? In writing about my thoughts and emotional tires to actually “writing” I am sharing that inspiration with you all as readers. Take the time to devote to organizing your thoughts and see the difference within your life take place for the better

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The Importance of Being [Insert Your Name Here]

In a world where popular culture defines what is attractive, what is trending, what we should all aspire to, how we should behave, react, eat, sleep and dream, there doesn't seem to be much appreciation for the beauty of individuality. The snowflake holds more intrigue for me than a mass produced diamond solitaire. A fingerprint similarly so than a cashmere jumper.

Have you ever looked at someone so closely that you see past the general colour of their eyes to see the amazing patterns embossed on their iris, each fleck of colour visible in the refracting light. Look intently enough and at times it feels like I can see a whole miniature universe in the depths of their iris. The most unique eyes I ever saw belonged to a teacher at my primary school. She had speckled eyes. That is not me being cleverly descriptive, she literally had brown eyes with white dots. I was only young when I saw them and I have never forgotten, nor seen any eyes like them, since. Some people may have found them odd. I, my little eight-year-old self, marvelled at them.

I saw a TV programme this week entitled 'bums, boobs and botox'. The hospital was more of a factory, churning out people who all look the same, ordinary people changing their own (normal, natural) faces and bodies into Barbie/Ken mark II.

Everybody seems to want to look the same, act the same, sound the same and own the same belongings. I deliberately avoid the reality TV artificially produced all-sounds-the-same music that year after year drowns our TV screens and radios. I love it when genuine talent bands who have struggled against the odds of the fame-game burst into stars with something completely different, original and, well, real.

I am proud to say I have never watched any of the 'I'm a forgotten celebrity if I got lost in this jungle no-one would notice' (or like) programmes. I'd prefer to spend my evening writing. I love it. I think it is the notion of using the same vocabulary that everybody else uses, yet feeling a strange pleasure knowing that now is the first time ever that they have been arranged in this order, with this punctuation, creating this meaning. In these few minutes whilst I write this post, they are my words and I can do with them what I will. And so I shall.

With everybody telling you what you should think, feel and be, it takes the braver person to say 'actually... not for me... I dont think, feel or work like that'.

As for me... I love my two birthmarks (I think them pretty not defects). I can't wait for summer to come for the inevitable little freckles that will appear on my nose, across my cheeks and dusting my shoulders. I enjoy the fact that my on-first-impressions boring grey-blue eyes colour change to electric blue the instant I get upset. I like for others to see my expressions (not hiding my face behind big dark sunglasses). I dance about when getting ready for work. I sing in my car (I don't care if someone sees me). I name my plants. I speak my mind (if I censor myself I am not being true to me or you). I ask the awkward questions (I want to know about you too). I have designed my own tattoo (just need a little courage to have it done). I love being the first to walk in snow and look back at my footprints. I love it even more when my niece runs past me and adds her tiny welly prints to mine. I dislike my shadow. That last one is a bit weird, I know... but true. Haha, deal with it.

I find the little 'imperfections' in people endearing... A slightly wonky tooth is cute. Someone who cant control their blushes is adorable. A truthful word spoken is attractive. Someone who is naturally poetic, internally reflective and thoughtful will win my affections quicker than someone rehearsing a contrived practiced speech.

I think in my own little way (I got called kooky recently) (I liked it). I know I am different. I like being so.

I am just me, and it is important that I be so.

These are a Few of My Favourite Things

Well. Hello 2012. Sorry I haven't greeted you earlier than now. I've been the tinsiest bit busy. But welcome all the same, come in (but take your shoes off because the carpet is brand new), get comfy and let's get to know each other a little. I feel like I have been waiting for you for ages. New year. New start. Anything is possible. Let's go!

I wanted to start my 2012 blog posts on a smiley happy theme. So, with this in mind I thought how better than to share with you some of the things in life that I genuinely love, that make me smile, touch my heart and make my days just that little bit more perfect. These, dear reader, are a few of my favourite things (and I promise not to sing).

1. The embarrased look a cat has when it knows it has been caught doing something stupid and uncool. My late cat [RIP Spider], when caught in a compromising position, used to pretend her leg suddenly, immediately, unexpected, was horribly dirty and that it required her undivided cleaning attention - attention that meant she could not afford to notice the silly humans laughing at her misfortunes. We loved you Spidey x
2. Getting caught in the rain and being completely soaked through to the point where, even if I jumped into the deepest ocean, I could not get any wetter. It is not the being soaked that I love. It is the realisation that there is no point in rushing to get out of the rain. I cannot get wetter. It is then that I can simply enjoy walking in the rain. Feeling the droplets hit my face, my hair, my arms... and not caring.
3. Sharing a knowing smile with a stranger. I think it is the silent communication and shared understanding that I like. Words are not always necessary.
4. Waking up in the middle of the night, feeling rested, like I have already had my advised 8 hours, and being unsure of the time, but certain that morning must be fast approaching, bringing with it the harsh reality of my alarm and then work. Only to find out the lush, beautiful, truth that it is only 2am and I can luxuriously fall back into slumber without consequence. Mmmm. I love nights like that.
5. Being the one that someone calls when they need someone.
6. Laughing so much my cheeks hurt.
7. Bubble baths. It's not just the bubbles. It's not just the bath. Nor the book I will inevitably be nursing. I love the smell, the relaxation, the solitude, the hot water and being completely submerged. I love listening to how everyday sounds alter, are muffled, dulled, softer when heard from underwater. I love the fact that if the phone goes or someone knocks at the door that I do not have to answer it. I am in that sacred place known as The Bath. It is a truth universally acknowledged that "I'm sorry, I was in the bath" is a valid excuse for absolutely anything.
8. Hearing songs from my childhood and being instantly transported back to happy memories. Radio Gaga takes me back to my mum's car driving down the long straight Roman roads near the farm I grew up on. Billy Joel's 'Tell Her About It' does similar. Put Elton's 'Sad Songs' on and I am suddenly switched into Dad's car.
9. Cake.
10. Speeding down a hill on my bike, feeling the wind on my face, kicking my legs out to the side and having the courage to close my eyes for a few brief seconds. It makes me feel invincible.
11. Going home to Essex. Knowing everyone in the pub and every bend and pot hole on the winding country roads. It is pathetic, I know, but if they (the powers that be in Essex County Council) change the road lay out, or add a new mini roundabout, it upsets me. I don't want home to change whilst I am gone.
12. Heated seats. I am generally not a material girl. I never thought I would put a symbol of material wealth on a list of things I love. But, when I'm cold, shivering and needing some creature comforts, you may as well call me Madonna because I will be hitting that button quicker than you can say 'toastie'.
13. A book that, despite my enquiring mind and uncanny knack for guessing plot lines and weeding out 'who did it' on page 24, surprises me. As much as I love to be right, I much prefer for the author to trick me.
14. The stars. They are outstandingly beautiful. I feel jealous of astronauts. They get nearer than I ever will. I love feeling humbled. They put everything in perspective (no pun intended). I really am a tiny dot in the universe, and therefore, my hopes, dreams and fears, whilst crucially important to myself, will never stop the world spinning, nor stars shining, nor galaxies forming. Professor Brian Cox is more attractive to me than any pop star. I want his knowledge of this universe we all share.
15. When the goalie gets sent off in football. I know it's a silly thing to like, but I find it hilarious. Even more than I like the goalie scoring from the other side of the pitch!
16. And lastly (in terms of this blog post - not my last favourite thing... I could go on and on), I must admit that one of my most favouritest thing in the culinery world, is the underestimated Jacket Potato with Bean and Cheese. I want to kiss the man who invented this glorious concoction. If a girl invented it I would kiss her too! I know it is probably not cool to admit this. I should say 'sushi' or a fad en vogue diet. But if I were to only allowed to eat one thing until the day I die, it would be the honourable Jacket Spud. Yummy! Yummy!

Anything that has the power to make us smile is special and should be cherished. Too many people live life noticing only the things that make them unhappy, things that don't work properly, things that annoy them. I don't have rose-tinted glasses, I really don't. I just want, and need, to see the beautiful side of life, of things, of people.

They are all little things, but they are a few of my favourite little things.